wake me up before you go go

i woke up early today.

(6:35 is early for my delicate night owl proclivities)

i didn't want my mom upset again.

she's been upset lately when i leave the house late.

so i took my shower early and made her coffee for her.

i wonder what's not to expensive but nice to get her for mother's day.

and on that same note, are acoustic guitars really that expensive?

i want to get a new one for my father.

testing, testing

i've been bored for approximately the last three to four years.

okay, nah, just the last three days.

everything was so absolutely boring.

everything was so absolutely basic.

but it begot so much work.

at least the macs were hella cool.

it was awesome working with them.

i will always and forever prefer windows

but mac is really nice too.

her name was lola

my mother and i visited my grandparents yesterday.

we all met up at my oldest sister's house.

nirvana and chuchu are sad to watch.

nirvana plays around by biting and nipping.

and poor beautiful dumb chuchu doesn't know it's playing

--either that or he's sick and tired of playing so often--

that he growls and yips at him until he backs off.

it takes a lot of growling and yipping for nirvana to back off.

my sister is doing well, she bleached her hair too recently.

my grandparents are the same as ever.

my grandma gave me twenty bucks under the table.

free falling

i told this dude i thought i was falling for him yesterday.

he did not reciprocate.

i hurt.

it all really hurts.

but what can i do?

he's still a really great friend.

even if we can't be more than friends.

i just hope i can see him without feeling a sting in my chest.

dowels

i bought stuff yesterday, like i said.

it was not cool.

okay, it sort of was.

but bae and i got a little lost when we were trying to get back home.

(i did not know that santa monica blvd slopes below wilshire when going west until today.)

i got my white yarn and one 1/4 x 36 inch dowel.

the whole store was beautiful.

there were so many things.

and i got another pair of needles.

weaving a tale

so i'm getting into knitting again.

i miss it.

i'm planning on going to michael's after school.

i'm looking for a huge spool of white yarn.

i want to (finally) complete bae's hat as well as knit myself a sailor skirt.

i also want to get some wood to sand down.

i'm going to make myself a custom pair of knitting needles.

it's going to be so cute.

black widow

i wanna cut my hair shoulder length.

i also want to dye my hair red.

i am additionally interested in curling my hair.

i realise that i would look like i'm cosplaying scarlett johansson as black widow.

i don't care.

i think it would look cute on me.

my only obstacle is to keep my parents from getting upset if i color my hair again.

puppy power

so we got one of those little things.

a puppy.

i haven't a clue what breeds he is.

my sister doesn't know.

the friend who gave it to her doesn't know either.

but no matter.

he's friggin' adorable.

his name is nirvana

(my sister's idea, since he's technically hers --

i say technically because, knowing her, my mother and i are probably the ones cleaning up after him most of the time)

and he's seven weeks old.

this code is taking its toll on me

i might murder someone one day.

hopefully i won't.

but i hate not getting things that other people say are easy.

i don't like feeling dumb.

warning bells for a superiority complex, amiright?

and this goshdarn game is so frustrating.

other than a test on javascript, it's also a test on my patience.

which i never had much of to start with.

like a peach

i've been getting a lot of bruises lately.

some of them i'm fully aware of since i received them.

others, well.

i wake up and lean on the counter of the bathroom sink, groggy and sleep-addled, when a flash of pain suddenly rushes in.

my forearms are sore beyond belief.

of course i look and it's darker in a certain spot.

i'm not about to claim paranormal activity on this but it's weird.

at least i can account for the others.

like the areas of my legs from getting to aggressive with row hopping.

another from grazing my hand while i brought the chairs in where my mom works.

it's just a little pain though.

it'll fade away.

downtown funk

i went on an adventure yesterday.

on a whim, i went out and got on the subway.

heading to downtown los angeles.

i'm a little in love.

everything is so cheap.

including wholesale of my favourite brand of makeup.

i wanted to cry.

and then i looked for clothes.

and it was absolutely fabulous.

(the sales, i mean.)

there was also a bookshop but buying hours were already over.

heat of the moment

it's so hot right now.

i'm wearing a deep v-neck today.

so in the effort to save my virtue (what's left of it, that is), i wore my hoodie.

zipped up all the way.

i became a human furnace for fifteen minutes.

it was so hot waiting at the bus stop, where there is little shade and much sunshine.

i chose to save my makeup (from death by sweat) over my skin.

it was a good choice, i think.

eye makeup takes me twenty minutes.

for just one eye.

san fransokyo

i've been bugging my parents to rent big hero six for a really long time.

it was worth it.

it was so worth it.

the animation is stunning.

i didn't cry once during schindler's list.

i shed a tear during two during occasions during big hero six.

tadAAASHI NOOOOO.

my heart broke so hard.

even more than when i got rejected by this guy i'd had feelings for for three years.

nap time

yesterday, when i got home, i felt tired as all hell.

i'm not sure why.

i hadn't been doing anything to strenuous lately.

but i got home and laid down on the carpet after changing clothes.

i started to knock out.

after ten minutes of drifting back and forth into sleep, i gave in.

i climbed into bed, pulled the covers up, and fell asleep.

it felt so good.

i completely understand garfield now.

puella magi madoka musica

music is not life.

however, it is pretty damn close.

last night, bae told me about a band called marian hill.

i searched them up and listened to all their songs.

i think i'm a little in love.

one time has got to be my favourite.

got it is a near second.

but all their other songs are just as fantastic.

i'm no longer or ever regretting that google play all access music thing i bought.

green with envy

i'm wearing green.

i like the colour to begin with.

my favourite colour, now and forevermore, is green.

i like st patrick's day because it gives me an excuse to wear green.

 not overwhelmingly green, though.

even i have my limits.

but i like green, and all sorts of it.

mint, obsidian, grass, lime, aqua, whatever.

just not dirty, jaunt, brown-green.

just.

ew.

no.

robotics

i don't know what i wanna do for next year.

the programming team sounds interesting.

but also.

no.

and then there's that one team with the people stuff and public affairs.

which is not as intensive as programming.

however.

people.

it includes people skills.

talking to people, meeting with people, calling up people, finding people, just.

people-ing in general.

it's not my thing.

so.

i don't know what i wanna do for next year.

rivals

team 330 can suck it.

i'm so jelly of them.

they must be rich to have that kind of funding.

they had custom parts.

what the ever living hell.

it was so beautiful.

it moved so smoothly.

it can carry three trash cans at a time.

 and their captain is so pretty.

logarithms

when i left precal, i never looked back.

i didn't want to.

(second semester, starting polar graphs?

oh hell no.)

but, alas, fate doesn't want me to leave it far, far behind.

i need to take the precal test for mesa in the city finals.

which, i've been told, they're going to make harder.

especially for the test takers.

hahahahahahjajSHGdagfHGJHGFKHGJHG JGFjhgJHG JHGF

no.

unicorns

my hands are sore.

i've gone on another jewelry binge.

i spent a lot of time last night cutting out the unicorn silhouettes on my earrings.

and there was a long hour of self-hatred and disappointment as i realised that gold leafing is not as easy as it looks.

but i finally ended up with a version i sort of like.

(rainbows for the win.)

i made another pair of hook earrings because i couldn't find my first pair.

that was my least favourite part.

so it looks pretty crappy.

but i finished it.

that's what makes me proud most.

decisions, decisions

i bought a google play gift card for myself yesterday.

i gave into an impulse and got three months of the google play music thing.

it's been fabulous.

i feel like i should be ashamed.

but i'm having way too much fun finding out what else is my taste.

surprise.

my taste now includes rap infused r&b .

no ragrets.

(yes, i meant to spell it that way.)

twenty dollars in my pocket

i went to a thrift store with mi amor on wednesday.

there were so many options for a girl on a ten dollar budget.

there was, in particular, this plastic, see-through skirt with flowers on it.

it was only seven dollars and fifty cents.

alas, then i found the white dress i'm wearing today.

it was a love story like no other.

and

the dress was only seven bucks.

net neutrality

congress passed the acts, apparently.

i, for one, am not amused.

this is the start to a heavily controlled, sterile internet.

you know, like the ones you see in futuristic dystopian movies?

we need to have the freedom of speech on the internet too.

this whole "rights of man" thing just isn't gonna work in the 21th century without it.

we need the ability to say what we wanna say.

good or bad.

and yes there is, admittedly, a lot of bad.

(ay there's the rub)

but there is that good.

that good that needs to spread.

the net neutrality acts are unconstitutional.

so let's get rid of it.

lipstick stains

like always, i was late today.

however, i contest, for it was due to a good and well cause!

lipstick.

i made a quick trip to cvs before going to the bus stop.

milani is a brand i've never tried, but this lip stain gloss of theirs?

too cute.

the sale made it all the better.

i got a sweet tube of lip gloss too.

somebody

i'm pissed off at someone in this class.

i don't know what happened.

i want him to talk to me.

so that i can scream at him.

i'm very upset.

breath practices won't do anything to make me feel calm about this.

i don't know what happened.

i don't deal well with my feelings.

later than my mother in the winter of '97

i got to school at 9:50 today and only got to work for ten minutes.

but i'm alright with that.

i already finished the assignment on friday.

so i don't really have anything to rush to class for.

i didn't really even wanna go to school at all though.

my mom was trying to get me to go to carson with her to see my sister and eat filipino fried chicken.

it would've been so wonderful.

but i'm finally starting to do well in my other classes.

so i sacrificed my mother's offer of a free pass.

sad

in history, we watched a recreation of the pearl harbor bombing.

i wanted to cry.

i'm not sure why.

i don't like crying in front of other people.

but as death after death was depicted,

i just wanted to cry.

i didn't.

i can only attribute that to my fantastic self-control.

harry truancy

so i'm not on time today.

but.

i am more on time

compared to most other times

this time

right?

i blame the 207 for that.

it never comes on time.

too late to be apoplectic

i hate this morning.

i lost my earrings.

twice.

the first time, it was at home, the place which i had, thankfully, just left so i found that one easily.

the other time it was in front of my apartment building's garage door.

i found one quickly.

then a car was just about to come out so i had to wait a few minutes on the side before i could continue looking for it.

i finally did find it.

but by that time i had missed my bus down to olympic

(i hate walking when my hair is wet.)

and had to wait for another one.

i was pissed off.

sports

i'm not an athletic person.

i never have been.

i'm not made for athleticism.

but i'm fiercely competitive.

if i have a team i'm invested in, i am proud beyond belief.

i will kill for my team.

...

i mean i would.

i would kill for my team.

straw-buh-buh-buh-berry

i coloured my hair pink twice this weekend.

the first time, it didn't colour much.

last night, it stained my hands pink and my parents found out.

they yelled.

quite a lot, really.

they don't like me colouring my hair.

but.

whatevah.

i'mma rebel.

the good die young

i made this pretty little thing out of panna cotta.

it had strawberry jam filling outside of the hearts and scrawl on the side that said,

"pour mon amour"

it was so pretty.

then i was trying to put it in my bag.

and all the jam squished to the side and out.

i wept in my heart and put it back in the fridge after spending a tense ten minutes just to get the writing perfect.

so i was late to school worse than usual today.

i needed some time to mourn.

artsy tartsy

need to go shopping for the valentine's day brownies straight afterschool today.

i'm gonna pop some price tags.

only got twenty dollars and a dollar in quarters in my pocket.

i really can't waste money right now.

that's it on that.

i want a new art style.

i want something simple and adorable.

something curvy but cute.

detailed but not overwhelming.

it's gonna take me a long time to get this together.

history nerd

i actually really like history.

but i always get a low grade in it.

tenth grade a: d

tenth grade b: f

eleventh grade a: d

eleventh grade b (at this point): f

i actually really love history.

but i hate the work.

leviathan

i'm eating everything.

i'm so hungry.

all the time.

i'm getting the weirdest cravings too.

i just bought a bag of pretzels and hazelnut spread yesterday.

they taste shucking awesome together.

i ate a pound of creamy mac and cheese after.

today i had four of those oddly amazing burger egg things.

so odd.

so amazing.

under the shirt

my mom loves protecting my virtue.

so if ever i wear a deep v shirt, she insists that i wear something underneath, like a white tank.

same goes for my miniskirts.

white shorts.

but this morning, alas!

she was more intent on protecting my truancy record than my virtue!

thus i will be hiding underneath my jacket when it's not too hot.

...

hey, even i have a sense of modesty, okay?

pain is beauty

i still have an irritated scalp.

so warning: ladies and gentlemen and neither and unknowns, even if you have batman dark black hair, don't use 40v bleach on your hair.

it gives you chemical burns, trust.

it hurt to take a simple, goshdarn shower this morning.

two days after the fact.

that stuff stings like a mofo.

bleach bum

so i'm blonde now.

bleached my hair yesterday.

i'm bleaching it again next week to a very white, light blonde so that i can then colour it pink.

think this

kind of pink since...

...

this is the pink i'm gonna get.

so kawaii desu wow.

knitter's anonymous

i was knitting in my corner of the sofa again.

during a commercial break, my mom just looked at me.

she looked at me until i looked back.

and she said, "i'm worried for you.

"i think you're knitting too much.

"you need an intervention."

i tried to express my feelings of betrayal the best i could and said, "mom, it's okay.

"i can stop.

"i know how to stop."

so i put away my yarn and needles.

later that night i stayed up until one weaving some yarn together.

short skirts

my mom doesn't like me wearing short skirts.

my dad doesn't either.

(they want me to be proper, ya' know, like traditional asian parents are wont to with their children)

but i do.

so sue me.

i'll keep wearing them whenever and wherever.

i'm such a rebel.

hats and stuff

if you want me to make you a hat, i wish i could make it free for everyone, but i'm broke.

so.

if you want me to make you a hat, or a scarf, or whatever the shuck, either bring me the yarn you want or give me money to buy the yarn and i'll knit the heck out of that stuff.

just a warning: it'll be basic as shuck because i only know one shucking type of stitch.

don't blame me if you don't like how pH level of 14 it comes out because, dude, i warned ya'.

seriously.

productive

finally finished the cock block i was making.

yeah that's right i didn't even mean anything dirty.

i made a literal cock block.

well it's a hen.

but who gives a shuck about specificity.

also finished the black cat hat, but it's too damn short as well as too damn amateur.

but it's good practice for zach's hat.

mon amor will get only the best.

okay, second best, but only because i can't afford that good crap,

by the way, have you seen miss spain's national costume for the miss universe competition?

it's all sorts of "awesome" and "wow" and "i wanna draw that".

plus, her costume colors match block-a-doodle-doo's (don't ask, i gave her to my sister, so my sister named her).

shakespeak

i'm doing the shakespeare contest.

so i told my sister so.

i told her i was doing a monologue of this prissy woman from macbeth.

i read it to her.

afterwards she looked at me.

just looked.

and she said,

you're too damn sassy.

i told her that her clay chocolate ice cream scoop cones looked like crap.

literal crap on a cone.

i also mentioned that her strawberry swirl one looked like the napkin of a preteen girl who just got her period.

she stopped speaking to me.

class changes

i got my classes changed yesterday.

and i could've had any elective during fifth and sixth, really.

but when my counselor asked me what my future career goal path way thing is, my stupid mouth answered "law enforcement".

so now i'm in legal assistance.

instead of cooking.

i could've had it all.

this is why i just don't go to school sometimes

so i was on the bus to school, as always, when this dipstick pushes me in because of his majorly jerkwaddy need to get inside the sardine can crowded bus before anyone else could.

he ended up shoulder to shoulder with me, with his stupid face having all this (relative) space.

his other friend was behind me, hanging onto the pole while i hung onto the weird metal sticky-out-thingy behind the driver's seat, because that's how shucking full the bus was.

he was an undefined amount of inches away from my person and that was the same undefined amount of inches i was away from socking his jerkball of a face.

but i didn't because hey i don't wanna be forced to anger management.

they only make me more angry.

i totally have control bruh.

so much control.

wow.

can i treat this blogging site like tumblr? because i really wanna.

one time in tenth grade, my friend's dad was driving us home since he and i and this one other dude all lived in the same area.

so we're getting near my house, right?

and his dad looks at me, with all his huge stiff shoulders and straight set stare and intimidating presence and total "i'm-being-forced-to-do-this-shiznit-on-such-a-nice-saturday-afternoon" vibes.

of course, me being me, i give the wrong address because i said go left too late.

he dropped me off there too left.

i ended up walking three blocks to get back home.

and i was too polite to say otherwise.

Knitting Woes

I don't even know why I started knitting in the first place, but my ire for it right now?

Wow.

A way disproportional amount.

Okay, no, it's really all my fault for any fiery anger that's filling me up right about now.

I'm the one who tried to make a design in it.

Who refuses to go to those goddamn knitting circles going on at the Memorial.

Who hates having people teach her.

Who is so undeniably stubborn about all this shit.

But whatever -- thank you internet for the enabling on that anti-social front of mine.

Now that reminds me of fan fiction trope.

That I wanna write.

Maybe after knit.

a mess

i stayed up last night

fueled on coffee flavoured chocolates

and the pursuit of unrealistic romances

 

i stayed up last night

reading into the red morning light

wearing out my eyes by the dark

 

i stayed up last night

wondering if i could make the sacrifice

if i even got the choice to

 

i stayed up last night

 

i forgot to dream